I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize