so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
