CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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