Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
