seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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