glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
