i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
