i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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