I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
