Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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