what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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