if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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