I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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