Duck Duck Cougar?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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