I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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