it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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