i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
