I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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