I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
