I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
