She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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