I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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