Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
