Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
