I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
