Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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