After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
