I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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