I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You made out with two different species that night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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