i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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