I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
