So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
