so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You are a genius and a whore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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