Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
