Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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