Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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