I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
