Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
