I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
