Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize