well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My pussy is not your playground.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
