you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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