The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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