so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
