I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize