Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
