you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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