That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I didn't notice because vodka
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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