Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
