and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize