Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
