There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
