Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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