I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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