i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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