And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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