somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
