I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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