Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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