In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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