his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
