I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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