Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
