end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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