I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
