I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
