Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
